Fall is upon us here in the Northern Hemisphere, and while leaves may be changing colors and heaters may be in use in your neck of the woods, things are a little different down here in the Lone Star State. In an effort to share my culture with all of you, and in case you ever find yourself living in “God’s Country,” I’ve put together this little go-to list.

 

 

This is How to Do Fall in Texas, Y’all.

1. Face the North

The exact moment the temperature drops to 60 degrees you will put on that North Face jacket and strut around town so everyone knows how adventurous and rugged you are. Temporary cold fronts are not for the faint of heart, nor the poorly dressed. (Extra man-points for trading up to a tan Carhart jacket, fellas)

2. Embrace “Sweater” Weather

 

It’s fall dammit, your calendar and favorite retailers tell you so. It’s time to break out those lovely scarves and sweaters from summer hibernation. So what if you still need to crank up your car’s AC to the point where your hair is blowing in the wind like you’re in a photo shoot? Cable-knit sweaters and floral print scarves are SO IN right now.

3. Repeat After Me: “Football comes first”

Your social calendar will need to work around the NFL, Big 12, SEC and High School schedule. If you try to plan a dinner or birthday party during any football game, you will become the pariah of your social group. There are only 256 games in regular season. Get your priorities straight.

4. Mum’s the Word

Send your mom along with her mom-friends to Hobby Lobby to put together the most fabulous Homecoming Mum your high school has ever seen. Never mind the democratic crowning ceremony at halftime, we all know she who hath the most bells and whistles attached to her ribbons is the true Queen of Homecoming.

5. Pumpkin is Pronounced Punkin

Get to your church’s Pumpkin Patch and find the biggest damn pumpkin in all the land. If you don’t need a fork lift to carry that baby out, then you’re doing it wrong.

6. See to it that Fall is Everywhere

You may be confused by the all the green leaves still on the trees and the constant bead of sweat on your upper lip, so be sure to decorate your home with the words “FALL” as much as possible to remind yourself what season it truly is.

7. Three Words: Giant. Fall. Wreaths.

We’re talking burlap, we’re talking fabric flowers in every shade of orange and red and we are talking BIG ASS RIBBONS. You’re gonna need to screw that little darlin’ into the front door and anchor it, it’s gonna be so heavy.

8. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Life

Aaah, Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Who doesn’t love a Pumpkin Spice Latte? You should feel free to spice your drinks with as much Pumpkin as possible, but you’re going to need to sip that latte in front of a personal desk fan to keep your from feeling as though you’re boiling from the inside out.

So, how do you do fall?

Thanks so much for reading! =)

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